Thursday, August 24, 2006

Least photogenic occupations. Or "Jobs that Ugly Guys Always Seem to Have".

Opera singer

This is one of those occupations where being fat is sort of unavoidable- if your job was to live in Italy and work only a few hours a day, during which you remained stationary, you'd feel a little zaftig, too. I'm no connoisseur, but I wouldn't trust a thin opera singer with my aria further than I could throw them, if that makes any sense.*

Also, assuming that there's a certain amount of occupational incest going on-a dipping of pens in Metropolitan Opera Company ink, if you will- well, if I were an eager-to-please mezzo-soprano and I had to be pinned beneath 300 pounds of sweating, thrusting Pavarotti, I'd want all the cushioning I could get.

*It doesn't.

Radio DJ

There's no real reason why a radio disc jockey would have to be attractive, other than to avoid the open-mouth gazes of others who behold their hideous faces, but statistically speaking, it just seems like there would at least be one DJ of note who wasn't completely busted. Perhaps there's some sort of social psych thing going on here, where society's taunts and judgments cause on to develop an outgoing, charismatic personality to compensate for lack of physical acceptance. Or maybe DJs really just don't give a shit about their appearance.


Magazine writer

Not typically the girls, who keep themselves well-preserved through the use of a myriad of health and beauty products passed onto them by PR flacks (also, by starvation), but the men leave something to be desired, namely, other men. They don't call it a "face for magazines" for nothing.

*Not at any of the magazines where I freelance, of course.



Whatever it is that this guy does

Because he's really ugly.






Lead singer of the Pogues

OK, granted, Joe Strummer is a hotbed of sex, so he doesn't count, but if 2/3 of the people that had held your job were considered to be amongst the most unsavory people on the planet, you'd definitely start to question the job responsibilities. I mean, I know there's a reputation to be upheld, but considering that this is one of the few lead vocal jobs where you don't actually have to be able to carry a tune, you'd think some of those energies could be channeled elsewhere, say, into a toothbrush or razor.

Garbage men

Some might say this is a class bias (those not trying to live off my salary), but there are plenty of traditional hard laborering positions who would be considered sexy as a whole. Construction workers? Yes. Electricians? Yep. UPS men? Hell yeah. And yet, not one girl has ever confessed to a blue collar crush on the garbage man. This isn't because their day-to-day work isn't glamorous, or because they're covered in the juices of a thousand peoples' waste. It's simply because they're unattractive. Like Radio DJs, this might be a chicken-or-egg deal. I mean, there's only so many roadkill carcasses you can slog before the hair product starts to seem a little futile.


No one's ever had a hot landlord. No one's ever even had a passably average landlord. I haven't. You haven't. Think about it.



Also, why the hell is this movie available on DVD? I probably could have run the numbers for you on that one, 20th Century Fox.

Backwoods country store cashier

You'd think being the town's sole hub for purchasing food, medicine, and ammo would make you take a little pride in your appearance, but nope. Why? I'm guessing it's because ythey're the town's sole hub for purchasing food, medicine, and ammo, and they just don't need to. A little-known evil of a capitalist society/inbreeding.

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At August 25, 2006 9:20 AM, Blogger Dessa said...

And coming next week, "Jobs that Ugly Women Always Seem to Have". Highlights include: 7-11 Cashier, City Bus Driver, and Small Business Owner (AKA Too Ugly to be Employed).

At August 25, 2006 4:55 PM, Blogger shirley said...

I think there are cute DJs, but MTV finds them & steals them quickly. Examples: Carson Daly (pre-bloat) and Ryan Seacrest (pre-plastic face).

Speaking of music type stuff, come & get that damn stereo!!

At August 28, 2006 4:43 PM, Blogger Kate said...

Actually, Janice Dickinson is obsessed with garbage men. Her obsession was chronicled at least once an episode for the first 5 shows of The Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency. Seriously, she chased her garbage man down the street after he picked up her trash. And no, I don't mean that metaphorically.

At August 28, 2006 10:46 PM, Blogger shirley said...

Eww, she was probably chasing them because pieces of her face were in the trash!

At September 01, 2006 9:08 AM, Anonymous Eric the Chinese Person said...

Where would waiter fall in? Some "wannabe actor" waiters and waitresses are preened to perfection.... but I've also have Sloth serving me clam chowder at legal seafoods. Can we stop putting homely people in places where they touch food? Please.

At September 19, 2006 4:03 AM, Blogger gastricman said...

Spot the odd one out - you guessed it - Pavarotti. Now he might need a bit of gastric bypass surgery but, apart from that he looks great!

At October 11, 2006 8:01 AM, Anonymous starbender said...

Great posts! ...and I have NEVER had a Good Looking Landlord!
; ]


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