New Year's Self-Realizations

1. I look retarded in earmuffs.
2. You know you have bad taste in music when you find the Gap Rap catchy.
3. Oddly and unjustly, it seems far less awkward to ask the question "Is that your real hair?" than to answer it.
4. If there is a difference between prosecco and champagne, I will be damned if I care.
5.If someone asks you if you floss regularly, you will never, ever go wrong by just saying "yes".
6. I'm so happy I overcame the irrational fear of mushrooms that stemmed from the death of the king in the Babar series.
7. Pens are not to be used for stirring, no matter how ergonomically effective they are, and no matter how close they are to the beverage at hand.
8. I still harbor a great deal of resentment towards my mother for wrongfully teaching me that one needs to wash a pair of pants after 1-2 wearings.
9. Sometimes when someone asks you what you do for a living, it's better just to shake your head, put your finger to your lips, and say "Let's not spoil the moment."
10. There is no easier place to get into borderline violent fights about sports than an airport bar.