Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Things I Would do if I had an Obscene Amount of Money

1. Purchase a building at my alma mater, name it a dirty word.
2. Up the price for which I habitually dare people to do ridiculous and oftentimes dangerous things from one to three dollars.
3. Drink cheaper whiskey. Why? Why not.
4. Rewatch The Thomas Crown Affair, smile knowingly.
5. Bury a big chunk of cash somewhere and inform my heirs that they'll only be given its location if I expire from natural causes. Begin a torrid affair with my much younger butler, leave it all to him anyway.
6. Purchase love, affection, and happiness just to prove that it is in fact possible.
7. Buy that new student loan I've always wanted, paid off in full.
8. Instead of breaking up with someone in person, just hire Peter Gabriel to come in and do it for me.
9. Follow the advice given in the Barenaked Ladies' "If I Had a Million Dollars" word for word, enjoy looks on friends' faces when they are gifted with K-cars and monkeys.
10. Give some to charity or cancer or whatever.

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At December 14, 2006 4:20 PM, Anonymous amish said...

Hahahaha. I love it.

At December 15, 2006 10:40 AM, Blogger WD to Evers to Chance said...

How about "remember to order food for the holiday party?"

At December 15, 2006 11:29 AM, Anonymous Jessexy said...

I'd personally like a Picasso or a Garfunkel.

At December 15, 2006 12:23 PM, Anonymous JJ said...

Joe from The Finest Kind of Pork sent me. Very funny stuff. I'm particularly digging #1 on your list. I'd name the building "Cockblocker's Hall".

Rock on,

At December 15, 2006 10:19 PM, Blogger TFKoP said...

If you follow-through on your #1 "I'm Rich" goal, and you paid for a women's dorm, you could call it:

Cuntstitution Hall


The Vagina MonoLodge

--joe "TFKoP"

At December 18, 2006 7:30 AM, Anonymous eric h. said...

lourie-love. scandalous.


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