Things I Would do if I had an Obscene Amount of Money

1. Purchase a building at my alma mater, name it a dirty word.
2. Up the price for which I habitually dare people to do ridiculous and oftentimes dangerous things from one to three dollars.
3. Drink cheaper whiskey. Why? Why not.
4. Rewatch The Thomas Crown Affair, smile knowingly.
5. Bury a big chunk of cash somewhere and inform my heirs that they'll only be given its location if I expire from natural causes. Begin a torrid affair with my much younger butler, leave it all to him anyway.
6. Purchase love, affection, and happiness just to prove that it is in fact possible.
7. Buy that new student loan I've always wanted, paid off in full.
8. Instead of breaking up with someone in person, just hire Peter Gabriel to come in and do it for me.
9. Follow the advice given in the Barenaked Ladies' "If I Had a Million Dollars" word for word, enjoy looks on friends' faces when they are gifted with K-cars and monkeys.
10. Give some to charity or cancer or whatever.